'Tis the Reason for the Season

Lately, Facebook has been inundated with posts blaring: Keep Christ in Christmas. I see these every year and wonder sometimes if the people posting them actually think before they hit that button? 


Thinking back to when I was little, we had a wooden wall in our house that divided the kitchen and living room. Our ceiling sloped upwards to the second floor (gotta love those mid-century modern split levels...) so the wall didn't touch the ceiling on one end. Every year, my mom would hang long ribbons from the top of that wall. cascading down almost to the floor. On those ribbons, she would pin (yes with straight pins), Christmas cards that our family received. It made a cool display, but a little difficult to read the top ones if you were little. The cards ranged from the funny to the serious, secular to religious. But they all had one thing in common. They were celebrating the season with cheer and joy. They often said 'Merry Christmas', but just as often said 'Season Greetings', 'Happy Holidays', and other expressions of merriment. No uproar back then about Merry Christmas versus Happy Holidays. No platform maybe?


So folks, before you bash others for saying 'Happy Holidays', please understand that there are a few holidays celebrated at this time of year. Not everyone celebrates Christmas. To those of you who do, I wish the Blessings of the Christ Child for peace and happiness in the new year. To those of you who don't, I wish you Happy Holidays, and peace and happiness in the new year. Let's all enjoy this wonderful time of year with family and friends; let's all play nice. Remember Santa is watching... ;-)

...as we forgive those who trespass against us...

i have been struggling with this issue of forgiveness for quite some time. it's a burden i don't wish to carry any longer. it is so easy to say 'i forgive you', but so much harder to feel it. this has been such a weight upon my heart that i sought the counsel of someone i consider a mentor. since he knew of the events that led to my current state of agitation, he was the most logical choice. his advice was to write a letter that would most likely never get sent. let it all out in the letter, and let that venting be cathartic. that said, i know the chances of this blog post being read are slim to none so....


i can't bring myself to call you 'dear':


you hurt me. truthfully, that doesn't even come close. the pain i felt at your betrayal was worse than anything i've ever experienced. never in my wildest dreams could i have imagined this nightmare. i've gone over the emails, thought back on the conversations, recalled the events that transpired that bring me to this point. the last time i heard you speak, the tone was just like so many of the emails; bitter, angry, resentful. not the tone one ascribes to a friend. you would deny all of this i'm sure if given the chance. but that's one thing i'm not giving you...


how do you forgive someone who took so much? you left me broken. and the worst part is that i never once felt you cared at all. you took what you wanted/needed, and gave nothing in return. that created a void that i was unable to compensate for. i'm sure if given the chance, you'd chalk my pain up to 'a woman scorned'. i suppose that's your view of it. my view is a little different and the fact that you didn't/couldn't see it is the main reason we are where we are. part of me wonders how you're sleeping lately. human nature i suppose, but i'm guessing your sleep is as troubled as it was the last couple of years. i'm sure you'll find someone else to blame for that.


i have tried, with every fiber of my being to hate you. but i cannot. when i think of you, and it surprises me how often that still happens, all i feel is a profound sense of loss and sadness. i will never understand how our friendship came to this. in your last email to me, i supposed you felt vindicated by quite curtly saying 'goodbye'. i guess i have to ask why you bothered?


now the hard part. i have been praying, fervently since these events unfolded almost a year ago, that eventually, i would come to a place where i could say: i forgive you. that's not an easy thing to do or say. but i am commanded to do just that. so my prayers have been that i feel it before i say it. i struggled with this until i realized (perhaps divine intervention) that in forgiveness, i didn't have to welcome you with open arms. i didn't have to say anything directly to you. i didn't have to resume any sort of relationship (not quite sure how to call it a friendship). i didn't need to call you friend. i just had to forgive.


so with that being said, i forgive you. for the hurt, for the betrayal, for the lies, for the contempt  in your voice, for the destruction of a long and valued friendship. i want nothing more than to be able to honestly say this from my heart. with this, i am at peace.

holding out for a hero....

Dinner began innocently enough. My child  met me at a restaurant for dinner recently. We had to wait for a table so as we stood waiting for a spot to open at the bar, she said something to me in a way that tugs at my heart. She prides herself on being a capable adult who can pretty much handle anything life throws her way. However, when she spoke, I could see the faint welling of tears that she would never let fall. Not at a restaurant, much less in front of me. "I think I'm being 'ex'd' (a term she coined to define the state when the current object of her affections stops dating her after a few months because his former significant other has returned and they reunite). I asked a few questions, offering as much support as I could for her. But as with all things like this, I couldn't swoop in and fix it as I'm wont to do. Eventually our discussions turned to other topics and dinner was enjoyable. However, as I was driving home, I had to ask myself how this can repeatedly happen to her. No, it really isn't fair.

The fact that she is still dating this young man, doesn't negate the fact that I feel people in general have lost the ability to have meaningful, serious relationships. I'm obviously not the only person to notice this epidemic. Divorce lawyers have made quite a living on our inability to choose life partners with any semblance of permanence. We've all heard the statistics, fifty percent of marriages today end in divorce. We ascend to the alter with promises of 'till death do us part', only to find that the only thing that dies is the relationship. Why is this happening?

While I am not going to try to generalize here, I have to fall back on my roots. We have come to live in a disposable society. Everything, it seems, is made to head for the landfill. Growing up, I was taught to reuse when possible and the dishes were washed. We didn't eat off paper ones. 'Disposability' permeates every aspect of our modern lives so it should come as no surprise it has crept into our closest relationships. I'm sure this happens to men as well as women, I just see so much more of it in women. They do everything 'right' and still get kicked to the curb. Is this a good trend?

While I don't have a solution to the epidemic, I do have a suggestion for my child and other women who find themselves in the same position time and time again.  I was raised Roman Catholic and I am active in my church. Catholics call marriage a sacrament. A sacrament is what Roman Catholics believe to be a rite in which God is uniquely active. Think about that. If marriage is a sacrament, then marriage is a rite in which God is uniquely active. How can anything that God is actively involved in be temporary? Maybe we need to go back to believing that marriage is holy and sacred. I am beginning to think that we are finding ourselves here because we've gotten so far way from this fact. If couples approached marriage in a Christ centered way, they are getting a good start to a lifetime together. To maintain this focus requires a conscious effort on both the husband and wife. It cannot be one sided. Its about a partnership. One where both people give the same weight to the work it takes to nurture and promote their union. Too often, we are caught up in the day to day minutiae that tend to monopolize our lives that we lose sight of the small things that can make or break a relationship.

Honesty plays a huge role here as well. Are men being honest about what they want in a relationship? Or are they simply riding it out because they enjoy the attention? And ladies, are we being honest? All the things we go through to make a guy feel like 'we're the one'. Is it sustainable? Or are we just doing these things to exact a commitment? Once we have them 'hooked', we are free to revert to our 'pre-courtship' ways? Being single myself, I've made every attempt to be honest with myself on these issues. I've 'chosen' twice and failed twice. I have no desire to do that a third time. Was I setting myself up for failure? God knows neither of my marriages were Christ centered. Neither were in the Church either. And if nothing else, I will not make these two mistakes again.

So in the end, I don't have answers for my little girl. I would love to tell her that its only a matter of time before her prince comes riding in on his steed to sweep her off her feet. I can't do that however. Disney lied. What I am telling her is that if she wants a good, solid, life long lasting marriage, she needs to make Christ the center of her commitment. In this day and age, I believe He is the only way to marital bliss.

I have female friends!!!

now to many of you, that may seem like a strange title for a blog post. however, most of my life, i have never had close women friends. oh, there were exceptions, but as a rule, i have always hung out with the guys. this goes back as far as i can remember.

in high school and grade school, i had 'best friends' who were girls. and after losing touch with both of them over the years (yes, you read that right there were only two - one in grade school and the other in high school), i've found them both on facebook and have reconnected. in the years since school, i've had women who i called friends, however we really never did anything together. this was mostly because they were always married and i was not. i did manage to be a fifth wheel a few times, but rarely if ever did we go out without her significant other. at the time i guess it just never occurred to me, but now looking back, i'm so sorry that i didn't cultivate those friendships more.

i didn't intend things to work out this way. it just happened. growing up i was a tom-boy when it wasn't necessarily in fashion. i was very close to my dad and did things he enjoyed: shooting, motorcycle riding, mowing the lawn, and the like. in the mid 1960s, the culture was very different from today. girls doing those activities today are encouraged for the most part. and because of this, there are many more who participate in traditionally male oriented activities.  so i grew up without those strong female bonds. and this was a definite detriment for me that i'm just now realizing.

i look at my daughter who has hundreds of female friends. many of these are friend she considers close. the key difference i think is that many of them were forged prior to marriage. and their friendships continued after the friend tied the knot. i listen with more than a little envy when she talks about going out with the girls. she has a support system in place. something that this last year has convinced me i need in the worst kind of way.

the saying goes, better late than never. i have a good start. my daughter is also my friend. there's my sister. one of the two best friends from school is actively communicating with me and because she now lives out of state, we are planning for me to visit, perhaps later this year. another friend who i haven't talked to in more than a few years, recently remarried and we are in the process of catching up. most recently, i was introduced to a wonderful woman, oddly enough, by her boyfriend (who is my friend....). and i am hopeful that this blossoms into yet another cherished friendship.

so it begins. small at first with only a few. but i'm slowly building my female network and support system. i still enjoy the company of the guys in my life, but i'm really excited about the joys in the new found relationships. maybe it's not too late for me after all?

march 25....

i suppose that today is just like any other day. it used to be special, but it isn't any more. for me anyway. as funny as it sounds, i've been dreading today for the last several weeks because i need to let go of my past and walk with confidence into my future. i'm struggling. 


so as has become my habit when feeling a little shaky, i turn to today's readings for the daily Mass. i've found that in the last several months, reading scripture calms my anxious spirit. i don't comb the pages looking for divine guidance, i just read the words and allow their old familiarity sink into my bones. today's gospel is from the book of Luke. the story is about the angel Gabriel coming to Mary and telling her she was to have a Son. the same scripture is the start of the prayer: Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee... i love the gospel of Luke. and as i read the words, i thought of the young girl whose life was just turned on its head with the announcement. she didn't understand what was happening or how it could happen. yet in the end, she says "Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word.” that is amazing faith. 


but the line of this gospel reading that spoke to me comes a sentence above that. "for nothing will be impossible for God". i was looking for something to lift my spirits and i found it in that small sentence. my worst fears were realized and i'm still standing. do i have regrets? of course. but He's teaching me to not dwell on the past and to trust Him with my future. for someone who is so used to fending for myself, its a difficult lesson to learn. what i have learned is that when these feelings come, i can find solace and conviction in God's word. 


nothing, not even me being happy again is impossible for God.

of mice and men....

If you read my earlier post about my house, I neglected to mention that this wonderful piece of land I purchased is for the most part, rural. I don't live in an allotment, instead choosing to plunk my house down in a clearing near the woods. While it makes for beautiful surroundings, it also comes with some issues. Garden and Wolf spiders love my home. During the summer, my house could rival any haunted house in October for the number of spider webs clinging to the eaves and around the light fixtures. Wasps love the rafters and eaves. I've had yellow jackets bore into the siding and into the space between the first and second floor. I've dealt with all of these issues, accepting them as the price for the scenery. The one I struggle with is the mice.

Mice moved into the garage early on. Coming from a development in Akron, I just never had to deal with mice inside of a home. If we had them when I was a child, my parents never said. So the first time I saw one in the garage, I tried not to panic. I was married at the time and my husband simply set old fashioned wooden mouse traps. And he invariably caught them. I was spared the setting, baiting, placing, and then disposing of said traps. I was fine with that. Besides, they were in the garage. I didn't really care if they were out there. Of course, the mice didn't just stay in the garage, and when they made their assault on the main living area, I was ready. I had house cats after all. I just assumed the cats would take care of the problem. I was partially right. The cats usually caught and killed them, but then I had to retrieve their stiff little bodies and wing them into the woods. 

Fast forward a few years. Now divorced, I'm left to deal with the mouse problem mostly myself. Because I rescue Brittanys, I can no longer have the cats have run of the house. So they aren't any good for mousing. None of this would be an issue except that last week, I noticed 'mouse droppings' in my kitchen. Just the thought of their tiny paws running over my counters was enough to make me cringe. I wipe down every flat surface daily with Clorox wipes but it doesn't help expunge the image of these tiny, disease ridden varmints tracking all over my counter tops. I had to take action.

I stopped at my local big box home improvement store to look for mouse traps. The fact that there is a dizzying array of different traps sort of amazed me. I kept thinking about the old joke about building a better mouse trap. The entire time I'm shopping, I'm wishing, praying that there was a 'rent a husband' service at this store. Because face it, that's what I really wanted. I didn't want to bait, set, and then 'collect' these traps. I wanted that knight in shining armor to charge in and take care of it for me. Allowing myself a few moments of fantasy, I finally decided on the type of trap that I had to bait, but then would close and keep me from seeing the dead mouse. All I had to do was toss the entire trap when 'full'. Great. Even I can handle this. 

I set the traps earlier this evening. I bought two of them and placed them as the instructions suggested. I went into the living room with the dogs to watch television, assuming that I would check the traps in the morning. I used peanut butter as the bait, carefully replacing the paper sticker holding it inside the trap. Twisting the trap to set it, I placed them both against a wall and headed for the other room. I heard nothing. About an hour and a half later, I went into the kitchen to get a soda from the refrigerator. I glanced towards one of the traps and noticed it was sitting a couple of inches away from the wall. I was positive I set the trap against the wall. So I tiptoed over to the trap, and peered at the top. Sure enough, the 'mouse caught' flag was up. I couldn't believe it. That disgusting creature was actually in my kitchen while I was in the other room! Just the thought gave me shivers. The second trap was not touched. 

Then it dawned on me. I had to dispose of the full trap. I am fully aware that the mouse inside of the trap is dead. Yet I hesitated. I got my readers to make sure the trap was indeed showing as caught and not just sprung. Nope, the flag was impossible to misinterpret. Now I had to pick this up and put it in the garbage. I can't tell you how long I stood there struggling with this seemingly simple task. I just could not bring myself to touch the trap. I felt stupid. I kept listening for the horse's hooves pounding up the driveway, bringing someone to save me from this task. Needless to say, I closed my eyes, grabbed the trap with two fingers, held it at arms length and walked it out to the trash can in the garage. Gee. I can hardly wait to see what I catch tomorrow morning. I get to do this all over again. 

The good news is that the traps work. The better news is that I can summon the fortitude to do disgusting tasks all by myself. That's not keeping me from wishing for a knight, but it makes me self sufficient until he decides to arrive. Typical man got lost on the way to my house and refuses to ask directions.....

A snowbird? Maybe...

More than a few people have commented on my 'winter bashing' this year. Don't get me wrong, I love the changing of the seasons. My favorites are predictably, the transition seasons of Fall and Spring. I have always told people that I don't want to move south because I would miss the changing of the seasons. That is true, however, it is more than that. It's my house...

To explain my reluctance to move, it helps to understand the story of Wolfrun. I built this house. I did not hire a general contractor, I subbed out all the work myself. This post will not get into the foolishness of that endeavor, but it is necessary to know that to understand the full connection between this structure and me.


Years ago, the Akron Beacon Journal used to publish 'study prints' of homes. You could order the prints and then get full blueprints made from them. I found this house and the study prints named the design Wolfrun. I fell in love. Closest I could get to an A-frame and not have knee walls. I tucked the study prints away, and I knew someday, I would build this house of my dreams. 


Fast forward ten (or so) years and I'm finally in a position financially where I could build my own home and move out of the city. The first task was to choose a lot to build on. The land this house stands on is a direct answer to prayer. After what felt like endless searching, I was out driving randomly and was crying. I needed a lot I could afford that wasn't closely surrounded by neighbors. I love my neighbors, I just have no desire to live on top of them as I did when I lived in Akron. I had been looking for land for months with no real prospects. In desperation that day (it was a Sunday), I was driving aimlessly out in the townships of Summit County. In tears I prayed "God, please help me find a lot! I have to have a lot!". I was on Killian at the time and a tiny flash of orange caught my eye. I pulled over and walked back to where I thought I saw the color. Sticking out of foot tall brush, partially covered with snow, was about one square inch of a For Sale sign. The rest is history...


Construction started in May of 1992. I won't go into that nightmare here either. The construction story is a post in and of itself! But I will say that this was the summer of Hurricane Andrew and when the rains came, I did not have a roof. After months of work and angst, I finally moved in to the home in November. I was letting in finish contractors but I was officially 'home'. I was so excited to celebrate Christmas in this new place. I decided against working any overtime over the Christmas holiday and took vacation time so I could be off and enjoy the fruits of my labor. 


On January 15 I lost my job. I had worked for Goodyear for over 10 years and they cut our department in half. I was in security. The job paid outstandingly well, but didn't offer much in the way of resume boosting. The bottom line was I had not even converted my construction loans. I had cashed out my 401K and invested it, plus the proceeds from the sale of my first home, plus most of my inheritance. My mortgage wasn't going to be huge, but when you're unemployed, any mortgage is a problem. Needless to say, with a background in 'security', potential employers were not beating a path to my door. On top of all of this I had pets to think of. So after my housing costs, any left over money from my unemployment checks went to pet food. I ate at my mom's. There were months where I wasn't sure I was going to make it. And no one in my family had the resources to help me. I was on my own and stood to lose everything I had. Again, if the fact that I didn't isn't enough to prove the existence of God then I don't know what else would be. I was out of work for over 9 months. And when I did get a job, I went from earning mid to upper $40's annually to making $6.25 an hour. Needless to say, I had to make some serious budgetary adjustments. It's amazing what you can do without when you have to. It was a humbling experience to say the least.


Now all these years later, I remember with vivid clarity how I almost lost the house of my dreams. The Lord has seen me through several occupations since the early 90's, but one thing has remained consistent: I have always left one job for the next at a higher salary. He so completely takes care of me. This is the view from my second floor balcony. I see this every day when I wake up.

I have been, and continue to be blessed beyond my wildest imagination. I have been entrusted with this little slice of heaven on earth and He has gone to such great lengths to keep me here. So maybe I start looking for vacation property in Florida? It would be fun to visit during the worst of the winter here. But here will always be home.

Spring and name changes...

spring is coming to South Pond. that's where i live. there are two lakes in Springfield Township that are spring fed and flow into the Tuscarawas River. I live on the southern one so hence, the name. i didn't choose the name; it appears on several maps of the area. 


that being said, i figured since this is where i do my musings and waxings from, it would be an appropriate title for this blog. ah the power that comes with blog ownership...


now for the real reason for this post. spring is returning to South Pond. how can i tell, you might ask? it isn't the threat of yet more snow this weekend, no. it is the fact that while out cleaning the yard (i still cannot fathom how three brittanys can produce so much, um, solid waste...), i heard the distinctive chatter of Canada geese who have used my lake as a nesting site for more years than i can remember. they choose this place among other reasons because i feed them. i know i shouldn't but they are so cute when they are little.... they begin to lay their eggs in late March or early April and the goslings are following their parents into my yard by the end of the month. they are the oddest shade of green and make the cutest noise, which sounds like they are saying 'wee wee'.  


as i looked across the lake, i could see on the far side, a strip of open water. that is why the geese are back. spring can truly not be far away!

Lenten Observance

The season of Lent begins Wednesday. This year, I'm taking time off work to attend Mass Wednesday morning and receive ashes. The reason I'm doing this is because of all the turmoil that I've gone through in the past year and how developing a closer relationship with my Lord has seen me through the worst of it. It's about living my life differently and making public acknowledgement of my relationship with Christ. While I've been a believer most of my adult life, this represents a shift in direction for me. 


My current struggle is what to 'give up' for Lent. This decision was easy when I was a kid. Mom imposed whatever she was foregoing. We were denied by default. A much simpler time. Now that I'm an adult, the choices are numerous. Nativity has several suggestions from Rice Bowls to attending Generations of Faith. My temptation is to fall back on the childhood favorite of giving up sweets, but that would be too easy... Even the title of this post, 'observance', I want to do more than 'observe' Lent this year. And for the first time in years, I don't think I'll have any trouble remembering to abstain from meat on Fridays. This year is different.


I know a lot of people are critical of the Catholic Church for the pomp and circumstance that they apply to everything. Some say, to the exclusion of scripture. I disagree. Maybe it is because I was raised in the church, I find the ceremonies and rituals comforting. I have tried more than a few denominations: baptist, evangelical, lutheran, Church of Christ, to name a few. But each time I came back to the church and just felt so 'right'. We could probably do more in the area of scriptural study, but the church has come a long way since Vatican II. For years I said I was Catholic but not practicing. I guess I'm 'practicing' now...


Lent is the preparation for the promise of Easter. This year, it has new meaning for me.

never wanted to be a mom...

i made the decision a long time ago that i didn't want children. its not that i don't like kids, quite the opposite, i love them. i just never had the desire to have any of my own. but as usually happens, God had other ideas.

i knew when i met and eventually married my husband that he was part of a package deal. divorced himself, with three children, i knew that having him in my life meant having them, even if he was not the custodial parent. i decided early on that these kids deserved the best from me. and that while they were in my care, i would treat them as if i had given birth to them myself.

angela was 7 when i met her and the twins were 4 1/2. we saw them every other weekend and a week during the summer initially. that all changed when their mother remarried. angela was her father's daughter, having the strongest connection to him and as such, suffered the most when her mother made the decision to move the family out of state. since this happened during the school year, all three children came to live with their dad and me until the school year was finished. looking back, it was a lot of work but it was harder still letting go when it was time for them to move. angela maintained from the beginning that she wanted to live with her dad but of course, her mom would have none of that... being truthful, having them go was hard to do. while i didn't feel i was ready to be a full time parent, it was hard watching all this happen and the impact it had on my husband. at first the kids handled it as best they could, but ang struggled. after two years of summer only visits, angela came to live with us full time. i won't go into those gory details here, but it wasn't a pleasant custody fight despite the fact that ang was 14 and well old enough to choose where she wanted to live. needless to say, i went from being childless to the mother of a teenager overnight. while i would love to say it was all sunshine and rainbows, that would be totally inaccurate. the little girl i had such a wonderful relationship with, turned into a sullen and angry teen. and the anger was directed at me, especially when i tried to impose limits. i used to beat myself a lot, telling myself that i could do better at this, but the arguments continued. in the end, her father and i divorced. ang continued to live with me until she finished her associate's degree. she then moved out. we didn't speak for more than a few years after that happened.

i look back on all of this and i marvel at how now she, having matured into a successful woman, and i could have such a remarkable relationship. the funniest part for me is realizing that she is right up there with my niece and nephew as to how far i would go for her. i can honestly say that we are friends. and there were times initially that i would have never said that. she is the only 'child' i will ever have and i am proud to call her my daughter. we mutually dropped the 'step' a long time ago. i've watched her grow through relationships, heartbreaks, and the tough choices we make when we figure out we need to grow up. i'm there to applaud her successes and to help her up when she stumbles. she is a trusted confidant. as i write this i'm smiling. mostly because i knew deep down that we'd get here eventually, although there were times i wondered if i'd survive. i can honestly say that i 'feel' like a parent. she looks to me for advice and guidance. she loves me.

i asked to remain childless, but God in His infinite wisdom gave me the most wonderful 
daughter i could have ever asked for. i am so thankful He did.

Attitude is everything

My former boss sent this to me...

Michael is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood

and always has something positive to say.

When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any

better, I would be twins!"

He was a natural motivator.

If an employee was having a bad day, Michael was there telling the employee

how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Michael

and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the

time. How do you do it?"

Michael replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two

choices today.

You can choose to be in a good mood or ...

you can choose to be in a bad mood.

I choose to be in a good mood.

Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or... I can

choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.

Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their

complaining or...

I can point out the positive side of life.

I choose the positive side of life.

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.

"Yes, it is," Michael said. "Life is all about choices.

When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice.

You choose how you react to situations.

You choose how people affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or

bad mood.

The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life."

I reflected on what Michael said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry

to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when

I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that Michael was involved in a serious

accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.

After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Michael was released

from the hospital with rods placed in his back.

I saw Michael about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he

was, he replied. "If I were any better, I'd be twins.

Wanna see my scars?"

I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his

mind as the accident took place.

"The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon to

be born daughter, "

Michael replied. "Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two

choices: I could choose to live or ...I could choose to die.

I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?"

I asked.

Michael continued, "...the paramedics were great.

They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into

the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I

got really scared. In their eyes, I read "he's a dead man. I knew I needed

to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Michael.

"She asked if I was allergic to anything.

"Yes, I replied." The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for

my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, "Gravity."

Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live. Operate on me as

if I am alive, not dead."

Michael lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his

amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to

live fully.

Attitude, after all, is everything.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about

itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34